He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
