I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
