Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
