So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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