you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
