I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
