i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
