nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
