its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
