We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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