I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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