Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
