i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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