i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
