Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
