also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
