McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
