I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
