Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
