If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
