So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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