didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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