he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
