I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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