it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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