she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
