I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
