he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you will always have a special place in my vag
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
