captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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