she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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