3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
