well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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