I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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