The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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