My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
