No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
