He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
