Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
