its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
