Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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