I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
