I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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