my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
