how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
