So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
