Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
