I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
