I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
