During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
