The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
